Never have I ever cried in my shower... because my entire world was falling apart

It’s a lie. I have. I’ve stood under that water and felt the walls closing in, and if I’m being honest? I’ll likely be back in that same spot tonight, breaking down where no one can see.

Some of you have this pathetic idea of what power looks like. You think power is the person screaming the loudest, the one making the most noise. Real power? The kind that actually survives? This one is quiet. It’s the power of discipline. It’s the ability to fall apart in private, wash the salt off your face, and keep walking the second you are done crying.

If you asked me a year ago, I would tell you with absolute confidence that nothing on this earth could break me. I thought I was untouchable. But this last year? This year was a masterclass in humility. It wasn't just a "bad year." It was a systematic collapse of everything I built. Every single thing that could possibly go wrong didn't just fail, it spat in my face.

It started with that "New Year, New Me" bullshit in January.

Those who have been here for months acting like they belonged, then suddenly: “Yeah, we’re done here, fuck you.” They didnt even bother to inform me - No respect, no honor, just cowards passing through.

Then there’s Marcel. One pathetic little man who decided his 50€ refund was more important than my livelihood. Because of his ego, he nuked my entire PayPal, strangling all connected subscription I had there for months. I was forced to fight for my own life at this point - with more work of course - because this is how i solve shits!

I spent weeks building an academy. It didn't even survive twentyfour hours. Why? Because some of you are so fragile that you reported it for NSFW content the moment it launched. You simply dont care how much work is behind - you see something you cant have? Lets ruin it... Thats a reason why no a single dome operates on level I chosed. Because little men will ruing everything. And the big men see my attitude and thinks she will be fine.. but im not. Im in the middle of this chaos reacting to every dissaster with more work putting in.

And while I was fighting for my business, I was fighting for my home. Found a nearly dead cat. My dog broke her leg at the exactl same day. I could leave that 4 weeks old cat there - most of you would - because you have no backbone... i didnt. I said i will handle it... Month later? My dog needed a surgery. For six straight weeks, I woke up to the smell of vomit and shit in my apartment, cleaning up after animals that couldn't help themselves while I was barely holding myself together.

Even my "best boy" lost his damn mind. He actually started believing we were equals because my code relied on him. He thought he held a leash over me, and I wouldn't dare let him go because I "needed" him. He forgot who I am. So I let him go without a second thought and spent days crying because i was lost - but didnt step fucking back!

That leaded straight in my pre christmass burn out. Which i solved by working 20 hours a day - i completelly stoped any advertisement, any promotion - everything - just to not lose my mind. Every new comer just gave me an headache with his arogance. Telling me how to dominate him, while he cant manage to jerk of on his own.

Level of disrespect i had to deal with this past year was unmatchable!

Subs i got this last year? It’s a joke. It’s frustrating beyond words. They crawl in, talk about dedication, and then vanish the second they face a real punishment or a task that doesn't involve them jerking their pathetic dicks. Where the hell are submissives? Those who can actually see how much work i put into everything I do and want to support it? Those who can see the vission and want to be a part of something bigger? Not just jerking off over random picture they pay for and call it submissiion?

What am I doing wrong that i atract those clowns? If you want to enter my world and disrespect me for 50e? Keep the money - i can not take it anymore!

I’m balancing my entire existence right now. One side of me refuses to ever give up. The other side is screaming: "Are you trying to kill us?"

And guess what - it may be it!

Just because everything goes bad it doesnt mean it couldnt go even worse...

Taking a shower and get electrouted to the point where half of your hair just melts?

Sounds funny? Disturbing? At the edge?

Because thats exactly what happened to me last week.

That i survived is an mirracle - what is waiting for me is to find a new apartment imediatelly because this one is no longer livable... because why the fuck not?

I’ve been paralyzed since, just crying. Not because I’m weak, but because I’m exhausted.

There is no a single part of my life right now which would make me happy. I didnt have a single month in past year when i wouldnt have to be worried about how am I gonna make it.

When I left Finland for Greece, it was supposed to be simple. I’m a great Dominant. There are men who want to serve. The cost of living is low. I didn't want millions; I just wanted to live, to rule, and to enjoy my life. That was it. And then i met a reality - the world where i have to serve to be able to survive. And thats where it all goes to the shit. I do not prettend a dominance. I do not play a role. Im a dominant person by nature. With every possible meaning of this word.

I would starve myself to the death rather than take an order.

I could have chosen an easy life. I could have chosen to wake up, have a nice coffee, take a walk, and make easy money off some pathetic men without any standards. But I didn't. Why? Because of my goddamn self-respect. Because of my discipline. Because of my "never take shit" attitude.

You came here looking for a fantasy, but you weren't prepared for the reality of a woman who refuses to break.

That is the crown I wear, and it’s heavy as hell, but I’m still the only one here strong enough to wear it.